? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
