I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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