i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
