Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
