There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
