What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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