We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
