the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
