I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
