i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
