i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
