shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
that's an acceptable place to lick
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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