Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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