ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
