I bet he comes in French.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
