I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
50% drunk capacity currently
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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