Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
