so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So squirting runs in the family.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
