peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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