she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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