she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
whose parrot is this?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
