Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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