good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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