I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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