you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
