I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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