Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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