You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
