just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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