DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
