no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
