just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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