fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
