Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
