Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
