We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
