I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
