My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
