I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
