i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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