Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
