what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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