yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
