I think i peed on brittanys purse
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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