And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i will never coherently bang her
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
