I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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