just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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