it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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