...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
