We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
