I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
