hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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