I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
