I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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