Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
