My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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