I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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